National Carers Week – Getting the balance right

Published June 21, 2012 by swanfreddie

Being a carer to Freddie takes up alot of time. I have to see to his every needs. But at the same time I still need to be a mummy to Evie. Getting the balance right between the two roles is hard.
I did a post about a day in my life. You may notice it revloves around Freddie. Evie isn’t mentioned much in it despite the fact she is here with me all day too. I do try to give her as much of my time as I can but it’s not easy. Freddies care is so demanding and time consuming.

Lately Evie seems to be picking up more on the fact that theres one rule for Freddie & a different rule for her –
I feed Freddie – Evie has to feed herself
I carry Freddie everywhere in the house and to and from the car – Evie has to walk
I dry Freddie after a bath – Evie is encouraged to dry herself
I get Freddie dressed in the moring & in his pjs at night – Evie is encouraged to do these by herself
I brush Freddies teeth – Evie is encouraged to try and do her own
Freddie blows raspberries & spits alot – I discourage Evie from doing this unless shes doing it to play with Freddie
Freddie is allowed medicines throughout the day(for obvious reasons) – Despite constant requests for them Evie is not(unless poorly)
Freddie pulls hair and can get angry at time, it is discouraged but it’s not something he understands – If Evie pulls hair or gets angry in anyway then she would get told off
Freddie will wake up and cry during the night and will require attention from us – If Evie does this she is told to go back to sleep(unless there is a genuine reason)

Recently Evie has been showing some negative feelings towards Freddie, saying she wishes he lived somewhere else and she doesn’t like him. Shes 3 now and i’m sure she notices the difference more in the way things work in our house. They are not differences that I choose by choice. If Freddie was able, at the age of 2 I would also be encouraging him to dress himself and feed himself. It’s just unfortunate that we are not in the position to do this.

Having a carer as a mummy does mean Evie has to sacrifice alot. We don’t get much mummy and daughter time. It’s so hard to get the balance right between caring for Freddie and being a mummy to Evie. I try to please them both at the same time but it’s not easy. I will try and get Evie to play with puzzles one side of me and ill try and sit Freddie the other side and show him some toys. It never goes to plan. Freddie will keep falling over from his sitting position or will get bored or angry so he takes all my attention leaving Evie frustrated that i’m not helping her with her puzzles.
It is sad that despite them both being my children and me loving them equally Evie does have to come 2nd. Not by choice, but Freddie needs me more. I hope as Evie grows up she sees that I try my best to give her as much of my time as I can and the things I ask and expect of her are me having her best interests at heart. It may be different to what I expect from Freddie but this is me doing what is best for both of my children. 2 children, both with different needs.


One comment on “National Carers Week – Getting the balance right

  • I experience the same with my older child Paige (non SWAN), she also is 3 and does not understand why mommy has to still carry Pheobe round and dress and feed her when she is now 2. Paige has started to play me up a lot more to get my attention which is awful and its so hard for me as I’m on my own as their dad is working in Afganistan to divide my attention between the 2. Makes me feel guilty sometimes that I’m not giving Paige enough attention xx

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