If only it was a simple decision

Published May 7, 2012 by swanfreddie

I had a conversation today about possibly having more children. I wish the answer was a simple yes or no but it really isn’t. There’s so much to consider.

Me & my partner seem to be seeing babies everywhere. We sat in a cafe yesterday and we had a tiny baby laying on her mummys shoulder staring at us. Then in the garden centre today there was a little baby being carried around by her dad.  This sparked a conversation between me and my partner about if we would want  anymore.

The answer is yes we do. I loved being pregnant. I moaned like hell both times and used it fully to my advantage, “could you make me a cup of tea i’m feeling a bit tired?” “I really need you to put the tv on for me, my feet are sore” ” would you mind washing up i’m not sure I have the energy”…that sort of stuff. But I really loved it. I think the whole thing is amazing. I still look at Evie & Freddie & think it’s totally crazy that they were once in my tummy. They were beautiful babies and have grown into totally gorgeous children. The love you feel when you see you children for the first time is an amazing thing and I want to feel that again. I want the whole excitment that comes with having a new baby, the bump, picking a name, the suspense over what gender it is. I just love it!

But in reality the answer isn’t as simple as saying yes. With Freddie being undiagnosed we have no answers as to weather or not another one of our children could have the same issues that Freddie has. They may have some tests they could run on our unborn child that may detect problems. But in all honesty once I was pregnant I couldn’t go through with an abortion if the child had health problems anyway. Even tho Freddie does have complex health needs he still brings a heck of alot of joy to our lives and i’m sure another child with health problems would do the same but the issue would be how we would cope with caring for two children like this. Double the hospital appointments, double the meds, double the sleep issues, double the therapy. The only real way it would work is if my partner gave up work and became a carer and we survive on the pitifully low £58.45 a week carers allowance.

But the child may be healthy. Evie has no health issues so there is hope that we could have this again. But then what we have to decide is whether it is fair to bring a new baby into our already manic life. We are in the middle of getting respite in place for Freddie. I am having to get help because things can be a bit much at times. We struggle with 1-1 time with evie, we struggle having time as a couple, we struggle with housework. So how would we cope with a 3rd child? Is it right that i’m asking social services for help with Freddie whilst planning my 3rd child?

I think Evie be over the moon with a new sibling. It can be quite sad watching her play alone at times. She gets bored. Her eyes light up when she sees other children in the park to play with and i’d love to give her a sibling that she could get up to all sorts with like I did with my sisters. But i’m not sure how Freddie would take a new baby. He can be quite noise sensitive at times. He was around a crying child a few weeks back and he had a major meltdown. He just would not stop crying SCREAMING. And newborns can be pretty screamy at times so a noise sensitive child & a screamer aren’t going to be a good mix.

Having a pushchair would be an issue. We would need something that would be suitable for a child like Freddie and a baby. I would probably need to grow a couple more arms to be able to carry a baby & a 2 year old around at the same time and to help me feed them both at the same time..feeding the baby a bottle and doing a tube feed with the other. In all honesty when Freddie was born, Evie was only 13 months so i’ve done the double feeding and double nappies but Evie grew up quickly and was soon out of nappies and feeding herself, both of which Freddie won’t be doing anytime soon, if ever.

I’ve heard stories of people in my situation who have gone on to have healthy children but at the same time i’ve heard them go on to have another child with complex health issues.
I feel so selfish for even thinking about wanting more. Freddie relys on me for every aspect of his care but I can’t help but feel that I do want more. If only it was an easy decision to make.

My family are not the only ones facing tough decisions like this. Take a look a Tricky Customers blog post to see how her family are facing a similar decision to ours.


6 comments on “If only it was a simple decision

  • I have had the exact same thing whirring round and round and round in my head. I would love another child too but don’t think it would be fair to Bea or Lawrence to take the risk, we’re stretched so far at the moment as it is. I’ve decided to give myself 12 months of not thinking about it and, perhaps, getting some health questions answered, then we will make a decision and (hopefully) manage to live with whatever that is. It’s so hard.

    • I think that’s the pic of Evie, i did mean to put names under them but forgot! They called it a stork mark, seemingly it’s meant to disappear after a few years, 2bh i don’t even no if it’s still there! If it is it isn’t very obvious but i do remember it going red at times! We always called it her harry potter scar

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