Smile & carry on

Published March 17, 2012 by swanfreddie

When I blog most of it is about how hard life is with special needs child. I’m not going to lie & say it’s easy because it really isn’t but it isn’t all doom & gloom. We are generally a happy family. We do things a bit differently to the stereotypical family that people dream of having, but i’m sure every family has there only little unique ways of doing things. We are all different & unique. Life would be pretty boring if everybody you met was just like you.

Most of the time we are a happy family. We live our ‘normal’ life. We try not to dwell on what has happened to our Freddie as despite his problems he is a totally fab little boy who has taught us some amazing lessons. He has taught us to love in a way alot of people don’t know how to, he has taught us patience, he has taught us to appreciate the little things in life, he has taught us to celebrate the smallest achievements, he has taught us to fight for what we believe in & he has taught us who really is important in life.

Today we were living our ‘normal’ life doing ‘normal’ things. We were driving to the shops with Evie & Freddie sat in the back of the car. I turned around to pass Evie a toy she had asked for & I caught a glimpse of Freddie. I got that horrible but sadly frequent feeling in my heart when I saw him. That pain I feel that comes out of nowhere that I can’t control. It’s almost like out of nowhere you get a reminder about Freddie. A reminder that everythings not quite ‘normal’ That feeling hurts but most of the time I try to ignore it and carry on. You carry on because you have to. You carry on for the sake of your family.
There are constant reminders everywhere I look that make me realise that in our ‘normal’ world we are not quite ‘normal’ Seeing other children Freddies age can really hurt, seeing the type of toys he should be playing with & seeing brothers and sisters playing together like Evie & Freddie should, they are all a bit of a reminder of what we are missing out on. Everywhere there are little reminders but as time goes on it does become a bit easier to look at them and not dwell as much. I’ve become stronger & now most of the time I get one of my reminders it does still hurt but I then look at Freddie and smile and carry on just simply because I love him.

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3 comments on “Smile & carry on

  • What a wonderful and heartfelt post Hayley. I can relate to that’start’ you get when it hits you again. That sudden punch to the stomach that complete winds you and reminds you how different and how difficult things are. But we love them so much and we are who we are because of the lessons our beautiful, wonderful, amazing Swans have taught us.

  • Although I don’t ever say anything to those around me, I do get that feeling where I’ve been kicked in the stomach while my heart is being squeezed. I’ve got a number of close friends who have children. Healthy children that are in to everything and have so much to look forward to. They are reaching their milestones and even if they started walking a bit late, there is every expectation that they will get there. I enjoy my friends kids, I cuddle them and chat to them. But while I’m doing so I have that feeling in my gut and in my heart, I can’t help it. I just want the boy to smile, I don’t care about potty trainiing! I just want him to obviously react to us, show us he knows we are his mum and dad, I don’t care about being able to roll over. But this is all I’ve known of Samuel or indeed of a child of mine. But feelings like this do make me want to hide in our little bubble, away from the bizarre ‘normal’ world out there where we don’t feel a part of.

    Great post Hayley (sorry to have gone on a bit!). xxx

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