Freddies not had a good week. Which has made caring for him so much harder.
We tried to go out for a family meal this evening. Before we even left the house i knew it would be a disaster. Freddies epilepsy seems to have effected him this week so hes not been a happy boy. He woke up from his nap & i couldn’t stop him from crying. But Evie was so looking forward to seeing everyone that we decided to go ahead with going out & hoped that Freddie improved.
When we got to the pub he was so irritable. He just screamed when sat in his pushchair & he couldn’t sit in one of the highchairs they provided as they didn’t offer him enough support. When sat on my lap he would rock back & forth & just sit & cry. I managed to eat a bit of food but it was so unenjoyable. I couldn’t relax & socialise with people. I just panicked that everone would frown upon me & think what a bad mum i was for the way Freddie was behaving. But i don’t know how i’m suppose to deal with him when i don’t understand him. I don’t know why hes crying. Possibly the epilepsy or maybe his reflux.
We decided to leave the meal early & we just came home & put Freddie to bed.
I hate that we can never go out & enjoy ourselves anymore. We rarely go out & when we do it’s so stressful that it seems pointless bothering. We may aswell just stay in the house all the time.
I’m so tired from it all & just want to curl up in bed & sleep. But even when Freddie sleeps he still needs me. I still need to do his nightfeed, meds & change his nappy before i think about sleeping. Sometimes just wish things were a bit easier.